Attachments turn love into fear, peace into anger, and then distort our attitudes and actions towards others. This is neither relaxing for us, or for those around us. As hard as this may be to admit, and no matter how attached we are to someone, more can be learned about love by letting go than by holding on. Detachment, I have learned, is the secret to living lightly and lovingly.
Wayne Dyer wrote in You’ll See it When You Believe It that…
Attachment to other people is one of the stickiest attachments, and it will create a great deal of suffering until you learn to overcome it in your life… I mean wanting or needing to own another and feeling useless, immobilized, and hurt if that person is not a part of your life in the way you desire. Such feelings are attachments. These are the relationships in which you give power and control of your own being to another, and they will always lead to suffering.
Detachment actually encourages you to grow closer in relationships and to intensify your love. You reduce the likelihood of suffering in relationships because you have so much unconditional love for others that your love is going to show even if they choose to leave you. In learning to become less attached you also learn a fundamental truth about loving relationships. Love is for giving, not for taking!
The process of becoming detached is easier if you can understand why you attract certain people into your life, and the underlying causes of problems in the relationship. It is also helpful to know what was ‘right’ with it.
The following exercise, from Arthur Lytle’s Beating Tantra at Its Own Game: Spiritual Sexuality, can reveal the hidden dynamics in relationships. It is a powerful meditation for letting go of attachments and can leave you feeling that a burden has been liftred from your shoulders. It can also give you a map to follow to make positive changes in your life, and to become what you want to attract.
It is helpful to write down what each step reveals to reflect upon later. Or you can record it.
To begin, stand erect in a quiet comfortable place and become centered. Take a few deep slow breaths to calm and energize your etheric body, breathing in pure Light. Visualize any clouds of tension leaving with each exhalation.
Next, imagine the person from whom you wish to be freed, or to be set free from you, standing in front of you – facing you, perhaps three to five feet away. Address the person by name and tell them of your intentions to set you both free to move unencumbered of whatever chains hold you together. Know and affirm that as a result, you are creating a beautiful situation, releasing two trapped spirits to pursue their ultimate destinies, whether together or separated, and doing them no harm at all. (This is more effective if you can ask God or your Higher Self for help with this during each step.)
Step One: Imagine a silvery communication line going from your lowest spiritual centre (the root or ‘elimination’ chakra located at the base of the spine) to the same centre in the other person. Note whether the communication line is clear and clean, or if it wants to be smoky, clouded or covered over with a murky or gooey colored substance of some sort. If irregularity or discoloration are noted, let God sever the line: watch it disappear. Say out loud, “Dear________, I forgive you and release us to live to our highest good.”
Note: With some ties, it may be necessary to do this three times, or until you feel that the release has been accomplished.
Step Two: Move up to the chakras connecting the reproduction organs (ovaries in women, testes in men) and visualize a communication line running between them. Perhaps it too will be ill-defined, clouded over or hidden from view by darkness. Perceiving it as a red or dark red or brown color indicates that certain unnatural sexual matters may have been practiced, or that some unresolved matter is still remnant. Visualize the light dissolving that connection, until it too is clear. Say out loud, “Dear___________, I set us free,” or “I ask God to set us both free at this chakra level. Thank you.”
Step Three: Establish a communication line connecting the solar plexus chakras. Let the nature of your connection on this level reveal itself to you. A muddy color indicates that there are unresolved emotional matters between you. Again, let the light dissolve the psychic connection and say out loud, “Dear__________, I release us both from all subconscious ties (with God’s help). Thank you.”
Step Four: Once again, let a silver communication line be sent across to the person, connecting the heart chakras. Observe its seeming coloration. If it is beautifully colored, clear in nature, then you may presume that you have established an excellent spiritual love and rapport with that other person. Say out loud again, “Dear_________, I release us on this level. Thank you.”
Step Five: Now establish a similar connection between your throat chakras. If it is real enough to you, let its characteristics tell you what sort of relationship you have established with that other person on that level. Again, release this person as you have done in the preceding steps.
Step Six: Move up to the brow chakras (third-eye centre) and imagine or visualize the spiritual connecting link between yours and the other person’s brows. Observe the coloration of that connection to ascertain the sort of mind relationship you have established on that level. Again, let the Light dissolve the connection and release the person.
Step Seven: Establish your psychic connection between the crown chakras (at the top of your head). Note whether the connection goes across from person to person, or if it seems to go up from each person, perhaps disappearing, or perhaps seeming to merge into God. Note the coloration of the link, if you perceive any. Again let the Light dissolve this connection, knowing that you are now One through God as you say aloud that you set the other free and yourself free to live your lives for your own highest good. Close by giving thanks for your new freedom.
Note: For this release to be effective, it is not necessary to perceive colors at all. You are set free according to your belief that this is so.
You are now unencumbered, unburdened from subjective attachments which may have been taking energy from your normal life activities, and making your relationships otherwise miserable.
Depending on your ability to imagine or out-picture the connection, it may be necessary to repeat the process a second or third time. If it seems desirable to check up on your former connection, it is okay to do this process several times. Leave a period of several days between treatments, depending upon your sense of reality.
However, almost immediately after performing this rite, you may sense the other person happily, swiftly, and freely moving away, perhaps ascending, but leaving you both as free agents. On later meeting them in person, you may be greeted with a fondness, an affectionate greeting, or at the very least, with a neutral detachment.
Wisdom is the gift of letting go.
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